Dear Abby: Should I be concern? My husband still posts Facebook messages to his long dead first wife

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Dear Abby: I recently was shocked to discover that my husband of eight years has kept alive the Facebook page of his late first wife, and he’s sending her messages.AP

Dear Abby: My husband, “Randall,” was a widower when we met. His wife, “Sylvia,” passed away in November 2010. We got married in October 2015. I recently was shocked to discover that Randall has kept Sylvia’s Facebook page open, supposedly so his grandchildren can send her messages on her birthday or anytime they feel like it.

Last September, he posted a message that read: “Happy Anniversary. Love you and miss you. 52 years today.” (If she were still living, that day would have marked 52 years of marriage.) When I read it, I realized that, in his heart, he still feels married to her. Am I wrong for feeling that way?

— One of Two Wives


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Dear One: I don’t think you are wrong, but please understand that some people don’t completely get over the death of a loved one, and your husband may be one of them. It’s not that unusual, if my Facebook is any example. People post about their departed parents, grandparents and even their pets, and memorial pages on Facebook after a person’s demise are not unusual. If you and Randall have a good marriage, I suggest you develop a sense of humor about it. Sylvia is not a threat to you unless you make her one. Knowing that may lighten your load.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069. Copyright 2023 Andrews McMeel Syndication.

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